Love is love. Love is it’s own language. Love should not be impacted by cultural mindsets. Culture has a way of making someone believe that a husband or wife should be and look a certain way. Cultural mindsets have a way, as even demonstrated through generations (as a way of living), of building unrealistic expectations of your spouse. There are cultural mindsets that are demonstrated through generations, which are opposite to what God made love to be.
Love is love and it is it’s own language. God created love! Instead of bowing down to the cultural expectations passed down by words and demonstration of the parents and family members you should God straight to God and ask God what does the love you created look like in my marriage? God you created love and marriage, speak to me and show me from your perspective what Godly Biblical expectations look like. Don’t let the cultural expectations of your spouse throw you down. Seek God out because nothing is impossible for Him. All things are possible for those who believe! Hang in there! It’s not too late for you and your spouse. Reach out to God and ask Him to intervene all of your situations. Be patient with God in all of it as He will work all things together for the good of those who love Him. Be encouraged.
The Cycle’s of Unrealistic Expectations
After creating unrealistic expectations of your spouse, they don’t meet it and you get frustrated. Now, your spouse loves you so he/she tries his/her best to meet that expectation to make you happy even though they know it’s difficult for them. Your spouse has done that because they saw your negative reaction and they want to make it better. It is difficult for them because you’re asking them to be someone who they are not and you are asking them to do something they are incapable of doing at that time. Then, they get frustrated because they didn’t want to make you upset in the first place. Your spouse tried because your spouse loves you. Each time your spouse tried to do things in the way you expected and failed, it hurt your spouse and caused them to become frustrated and deeply sad. You know why? It is because they can’t figure out why they cannot satisfy you even though they are following through with what you said and you still got angry. If you don’t change those unrealistic expectations, then over time you end up saying so many hurtful things and then all you see is negativity period in your spouse. Take a minute or two to imagine that cycle over a period of years.
Going in this cycle for 5, 10, 15, 20 years etc., will create a very deep root of bitterness that happened from all the pain, frustrations, wounds, hurt etc. Over time this creates such a separation and division within your marriage. The sad thing is that you both still love each other but have been through this cycle for so long that it is corroding your love and how you see each other. Now that it has gone this far, you can’t even see the person for who they really are or even what you first saw in them that made you fall in love with them in the first place. You’ve become blinded from all the negativity that happened from not meeting unrealistic expectations that you set. Each time this happened a layer went over your eyes. This layer is so thick that all you see is negativity in your spouse. You can barely think positively about your spouse anymore. Your vision of your spouse is completely distorted at this point. What you think and speak will grow. What have you been growing? Have you been feeding the negativity only making it deeper each time?
Get Over Yourself & Get the Help You Need
The fact is that you need to get the help you need and know that it is ok to get help. You don’t know everything. You have become so blinded and your pride has gotten in the way of any healing and restoration of you, your life, and marriage. Lay down that pride and humble yourself! You call yourself a man or woman of God yet carry that pride; which God does not allow. Love and humility is the way. Pride is the opposite of that. The pride has to go for love and humility to be able to even function. It’s about time to get over yourself and actually let God help you.
This is the part where marriages get stuck. They don’t know how to get out. Just because they can’t get out they decide to leave because that’s the only way they see not to go through the pain. The sad part is that many times the husband and wife still love each other. Many times there is the 1 spouse just waiting on their promise from God and sit there separately in their own home in order to stay away from the drama and chaos. They don’t want to go through hurt and pain anymore because what they already went through for years is wreaking havoc on their minds and hearts; as well at deteriorating their health from heavy stress. Many times a spouse feels stuck because they are willing to get the help needed but their spouse, so full of pride and stubbornness, rejects the help that God keeps sending them. The marriage only gets worse and is stagnant in many areas because things are not being dealt with. Get over yourself and get out of the way so God can intervene and help!
It’s Not Too Late
Look if you’re tired of these vicious cycles, I am here to tell you that you need to face the issues at hand with God in the center of it. For as long as you avoid that, things will not change. The matters only will get worse and rooted deeper. Again, it is ok to get the help you need. It is ok to be open and vulnerable with a trusted source outside your marriage that God gives you or leads you to. Keeping it inside and hidden is equal to sweeping it all under a rug. Now, that doesn’t really do anything to the dirt because the pile you put under the rug, thinking no one can see it, still be seen in a different form. Look the fruits of decisions and agreements made is seen and it’s been manifesting.
No, it’s not too late for you no matter how long this has been going on. God can still restore and redeem the years that the locusts had eaten away. It’s not too late! Get up and face the hurts, pains, wounds, trauma caused over the years. All these things has caused you to be the person you truly are not. It’s caused you to walk in a fake identity. It’s so deep that your true identity in Christ is unable to come through. It’s time to unmask yourself with Christ in the center of it all! You’ve got this!
“So they are no longer two, but one. No human being must
separate, then, what God has joined together.”
-Matthew 19:16
“29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness,
rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and
compassionate to one another,forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
-Ephesians 4:29-32
